You're completely useless in the revolution.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
