you would pick up someone in the library
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
