i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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