I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize