Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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