Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
