the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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