I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
