The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I cut my penus on the lid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
