Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
