yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
