She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just had sex on a roof
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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