I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize