We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
