Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
