I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
