A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
