fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
