Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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