i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
ok first of all what the fuck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
