Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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