Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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