"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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