it was like his penis was on wheels.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
