I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
