Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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