this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
