there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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