i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
