you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
me + whiskey = a bad person
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
