I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
