I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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