Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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