ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
