my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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