i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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