absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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