why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
