I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
