How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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