Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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