Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
