It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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