Is it normal to miss your booty call?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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