I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
