Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i out mim tonsoeep
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