I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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