eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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