I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
