hotel room ftw
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
