I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
