you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
