All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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