well most of my day revolves around power hour
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
