dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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