you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
