you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
