I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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