So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
