The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
