my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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