So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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