could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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