i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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