when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
