ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
