What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
