This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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