I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
