I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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