I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
