..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize