i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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