He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
