Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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